Joke Of The Day

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale.

A: She was known as the deep C diva.

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."

Q: Why are violist's fingers like lightning?


A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Q: Why wasn't J.S. Bach at the classical concert?


A: Because he was Baroque

Q: What's the most musical bone?

A: The trombone.

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A: 'A' flat minor!

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said.

"Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?"

"This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote."

"And the other?" said the customer.

"This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000."

"Holy moly! What does that one do?"

"Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."

Glissando: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

A guy playing trombone in the opera had a fantastic gig on the day he had to play in the opera. He tried to find a replacement but without success. Finally he went to his housekeeper and convinced him to do the replacement. "I give you my other trombone. You just look what is the guy next to you doing and it would be OK". Next morning he asked the housekeeper how it was.

"Catastrophe. Your colleague sent also his housekeeper to replace him".

Arnold Schwarzenegger recently turned down the chance to play Beethoven in a movie about the composer. He replied "I'll be Bach".

Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?

A: A Chopin Liszt.

Joseph Haydn was known for his sense of humor. With the "Farewell" Symphony,one by one the musicians walk out at the end.

Q: What did he musician say to the tightrope walker?

A: You better C# or you'll B flat!

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said.

"Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?"

"This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote."

"And the other?" said the customer.

"This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000."

"Wow! What does that one do?"

"Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."

Q: What did he musician say to the tightrope walker?

A: You better C# or you'll B flat!

The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it.

The little girl went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, "Dear Aunt Emma, just a short note to tell you I'm fine."

Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"

Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."

Q: What part of the turkey is musical?

A: The drumstick.

Q: Why was the piano player arrested?

A: Because he got into treble.

Q: What music do balloons hate?


A: POP

While an orchestra was playing Tschaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet overture, an elderly man in the audience wept and wept. "You must be an incurable romantic," said the woman seated next to him. "No," he said, "I'm a musician."

Q: What do you call a fish musician?

A: A piano tuna.

A tuba player wanted to torture the drummer who was seated behind him one day. So he hid one of the drum sticks as they went on a short break for lunch. The drummer returns to his post and runs to the middle of the stage, much to the amusement of the musicians. He shouts at the top of his lungs, “Yes,finally after all these years of hard work, I’m the conductor.”